When the Pressure’s On, Who’s in the Driver’s Seat – You or Your Inner Critic?

That voice saying ‘I’m not good enough’ rarely shows up when things are calm. It tends to appear when you’re stretched, under pressure, or something goes wrong.

It’s not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it’s just a passing thought, other times it sits in the background for days. And while it feels deeply personal, I want you to know this: it’s incredibly common. I hear it all the time from senior managers and directors. It doesn’t matter how experienced, accomplished or outwardly confident someone seems — this belief shows up.

The hard part is, when it appears, it tends to isolate us. It makes us feel like we’re the only one who doesn’t measure up.

But that’s simply not true.

One question I often invite clients to ask when these feelings surface is: “Are you living in the past, the present, or the future right now?”

Because more often than not, the voice that says “you’re not good enough” isn’t coming from what’s actually happening right now — it’s rooted in the past.

Usually, it’s connected to early life experiences. Times when we felt we weren’t meeting expectations, or when someone — intentionally or not — made us feel small, invisible, or not quite enough. And as children, we made sense of those moments in the only way we could: with black-and-white thinking. We assumed that if something didn’t feel right, it must be because we weren’t right.

We carry those conclusions into adulthood, sometimes without realising it. And before we know it, we’re reacting to high-stakes situations at work not from the calm, capable adult we are now — but from the anxious child who’s still trying to prove their worth.

It can be helpful to imagine who’s “driving the bus” in those moments of self-doubt. Is it the rational, grounded adult in you? Or is it the younger part of you — the one who didn’t yet have the full picture, who just wanted to feel secure and accepted?

Because if it’s the inner child driving, it’s no surprise the ride feels bumpy.

And the inner voice that pops up in those moments — it knows your insecurities. It knows how to make you second-guess. And it can be incredibly convincing.

But you don’t have to let it take the lead. You can listen, acknowledge it, and then gently challenge it.

The next time the thought “I’m not good enough” shows up, take a moment and ask yourself: “Is that actually true?”

Not does it feel true — but is it really true?

Then look at the evidence. Think about the things you’ve done well. The people you’ve helped. The times you’ve taken a risk, shown integrity, offered support, or made a decision that mattered.

Remind yourself of your own efforts and intentions. And if there’s something you’d like to be better at, that’s okay too. That doesn’t mean you’re not good enough — it just means you’re still learning. Which we all are.

The story can shift from:

“I’m failing at this”
to
“I’m figuring this out.”

Or from:

“I’m not where I should be”
to
“I’m a work in progress, and that’s allowed.”

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers or being immune to self-doubt. It’s about developing the self-awareness to notice those old stories when they arise, and choosing not to let them run the show.

You don’t need to get rid of that voice completely — you just need to stop believing everything it says.

Because the truth is: you are not “not good enough.” You’re human. You’re evolving. And you’re still showing up — with care, with intention, and with the willingness to keep growing.

And that is more than enough.

If this resonates with you and you want support in navigating these thoughts and finding a more grounded sense of confidence, I’d be glad to have a conversation. This is the work I do with leaders every day — helping them feel, work and lead better, from the inside out.